How to get over yourself.


Stephanie West, Staff Writer

*Warning* Don’t get butthurt over this article; it’s satire. Good Gosh… don’t take everything so seriously, lighten up a bit.

How to get over yourself, a valuable lesson that many have yet to grasp, is a skill that requires many steps to assist you in breaking down the process of cutting down your ego. This path is difficult and confusing, but I’m here to help you navigate this process. I am an excellent guide when it comes to helping poor souls that have the unfortunate problem of a huge ego.

Stand in front of a mirror and stare at yourself, look at all the things you like and dislike. Acknowledge every part of yourself, especially the things you want to hide from the rest of the world. Focus on the bad things, really truly focus on the things you hate about yourself. You are not perfect, so if you can’t find anything, look harder, there is certainly at least one thing that is not good. Take deep breaths now, we’re going to face a difficult subject for some of you. You are not the only living breathing person on this planet. You are not the sun; the world does not revolve around you. There are billions of people on the earth, and you are no better in any way than anyone else. You are NOT perfect and not liked by all, and no one owes you anything. Just accept this and move on.

The things you consider achievements are not really anything to be proud of. In all honesty, the things that most high schoolers consider an achievement are nothing more than a waste of time. Homecoming court? Big deal. Where is that really going to get you years from now when you’re looking for a job? Your future boss doesn’t give a flying flip about homecoming. Popularity in school is child’s play compared to societal rankings and your boss could care less about the metaphorical ‘kid’s table’. This contest of social wits, per say, will get you exactly nowhere in the real world. The pride in having a vast number of friends, to hold over others, is something I will never grasp the concept of. You’re proud of how many friends you have? Good. Don’t be, you can have tons of friends who won’t be there for you when you’re at your worst. In situations like this, the saying should be “Quality before quantity.” Friends are supposed to be people that you share your life with. You’re supposed to laugh, cry, yell, and smile with them, and I hate to break it to you, but you and 400 of your closest friends are not going to do that. The friends you make for the sake of having friends are not going to be there for you. You aren’t as popular as you think.  

For those of you who skipped to the bottom to read the summary, you’re not special. You are no better than anyone else, and you rank no higher than me or any person you’re glad you’re not. If you have to think you’re better than someone, then more than likely you’re extremely insecure. I truly hope that this insightful piece of literature helped lower your pride a few notches.