How to offend people

Cameron Williams, Staff Writer

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In our modern PC culture, any attempt at rational discourse can easily be brought to a halt by three little words, “That offends me.” These words have the power to curtail innovation, impede progress, and encourage backwards thought. For those of us that choose reason over pitiful egocentrism, when your partner in rhetoric utters those words you know that you’ve won the argument, and hopefully you can be content with knowing that they will never grow beyond their parochial world view.

The first step in offending people is to never challenge someone on something you know nothing about. To do this is to flirt with failure. People easily become offended when they are reminded of their own ignorance, so it is important to flaunt your own intellectual superiority by attempting to educate them on the topic rather than just throwing facts about. By educating people, or at least introducing them to new perspectives, you help sow offense throughout the world because now they will likely pass on the knowledge you’ve shared to others.

Next, one must target those caught under the oppressive thumb of righteous indignation. These people are easily offended and will gladly elucidate upon every reason why their double standards are ideologically superior to your logical egalitarian world view. They ride a large horse named morality, and stand on a hill of the same name. The only way to conquer them is to expose their lies and their hypocrisy to the world through the use of valid, flowing rhetoric. To rob them of their false probity is to cripple them and rob them of their fictitious veracity.

The most important lesson we must all learn is that our opinions hold no value; it is man’s most grievous sin to believe that others care about what he thinks rather than what he knows. Knowledge is power, secrets are currency, but opinions belong in the landfill. Your opinions belong hidden away deep within your psyche, not spilling over your foot as they slither out your mouth. No one on this selfish earth cares about your feelings or if you are offended. Facts will name the victor of a lengthy discourse, not the belligerents nor the commentators… only facts. Fallacies are the killers of kings that thought themselves chosen by providence.

 

 

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